When I met you it was like every fairytale I never believed in all came true at once. In the time we spent together you melted me. Your touch made my entire body tingle every time; I have never felt anything like it. I found everything I ever wanted and needed in you, but I knew from the beginning that you would have to leave. Before you ever walked into that bar that night I knew that you had a month before deployment, I met you on that condition. I was fully aware that I could not keep you, and I had no intention of doing so. Something happened though, between the long talks, the nights spent tangled up in each other, and the mornings I woke in your arms, I learned that I could not live with out you. The day you left to go back to base we were both cowards with our words. Our actions clearly screamed, "I need you!" The hours spent locked in your room holding each other displayed that. Both of us, with our stubborn, guarded hearts, never found the courage to say it though that last day. A hug, a kiss, and a nervous, "See you next year," is how the last day I touch you ended. It wasn't until a few days of text messaging, talking, and missing each other terribly that we both finally admit that there was something there. Something real. You didn't officially ask for me until the day before you left for Afghanistan. I will never forget the summer day that you asked me if I would wait for you; I told you, "Yes." without a moments hesitation.
Today it is almost 6 months into deployment, halfway until I am in your arms again. 7 months since I have seen your smile, touched your skin, kissed your freckles, ran my fingers across your tattoos, felt you lips on mine, 4 months and I will run into your arms.
4 months and I will feel his lips on mine. It's wearing on me. The anticipation and worry is endless. I worry about him; about his safety, his health, his sanity, and his heart. Then I worry that this is all a dream. I worry that he doesn't really want me, that he will lose interest, that this is all too good to be true. It is eating away at me wondering if I truely am what he wants. He tells me he is coming home to me. That he is my soldier, and I am his girl. He tells me that he cares about me, and that it means the world to him that I will wait for him. Does he still feel that way? He told me he did so much in the beginning, but now, he's busier, we talk less. When we do get to talk he doesn't say as much, he is more distracted, exhausted, than he use to be. I hope his feelings haven't changed, because I can't handle a heartbreak after this.
Everyone says deployments make you stronger. Right now I just feel defeated. I feel on pause. When play gets pushed again will I get my happy ending?
